A few days ago I found myself on the phone with my parents, unsure of any and all of my life decisions. Do I want to be a writer? What does that even mean? What if I don’t like politics? What if it is all too much?

It was clear to my parents that I was just a wee bit overwhelmed by everything happening around me. I, for once, didn’t have any complaints about my classes. I have an amazing internship that, whether or not I end up in that field, will be an incredible experience with talented and passionate people. Not to mention a job where I work with my friends and my boss is dedicated to our professional development.

That all made me sick to my stomach. All my past choices were made to get me to this point and now I’m here. So of course that little voice inside my head says, “Well now if it goes down hill, it’s all your fault.”

When people give you opportunities, recognizing your value, there is a newfound expectation. In my experience, I felt a new pressure to succeed immediately and know exactly what I want at all times.

Then I realized that is not what this is about. Yes, it is important that I work hard and put forth every effort I can to succeed. It is my responsibility to carry through with my commitments and take advantage of my experiences.

However, it is not my responsibility to be perfect. I am not expected to get straight A’s or know exactly what I’m doing at my internship. I can ask questions and learn from the people around me. Most importantly, I’m allowed to make mistakes. It’s unhealthy to expect perfection, but it is irresponsible not to learn.

I’ve made the conscious decision to challenge myself this semester. I’m taking difficult classes, keeping up with a job and internship, as well as starting this project. If I learn one thing at all over the next few months, it will be balance.

Already, I have learned that sometimes my blog post will not appear on Fridays. I will have to sacrifice being social or a little bit of sleep to get that extra bit of work done.

So a few days ago, as I found myself on the phone with my parents, staring directly at the next three months, I realized I am exactly where I wanted to be. It is terrifying, it is intimidating, but, most of all, it is inspiring.

Now I know I can do it. I put my mind to something and I make it happen. Now, I will prove to myself that I was right. I can do this.

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3 thoughts on “Some self reflection

  1. All the “knowledge” that I acquired in school and during internships were undoubtedly important. However, more important to me during that time, was understanding the importance of balance. And learning how to learn. I know that I got pulled into the mentality that I would be able to graduate and contribute to the greater good of society based upon the classes and limited experience during my college years. In reality, that experience was giving me a foundation to build upon, constantly seeking advice, input, and new learning experience along the way. Very cliche, I know, but it was so much more about the journey that the destination. We are where we are, but we keep taking one step in front of the other, always learning and growing along the way 😉 You can do this, enjoy it and thanks for sharing your story!

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